When we have a disagreement with some as part of our political organising what are we trying to acheive? Thats probably a question that it worth asking yourself whenever things start to get a bit heated. In everyday life arguments are often really quite problematic and aimed at asserting dominance, punishment & even humilation. It’s easiest to recognise those element in the darker parts of the web, comments on youtube videos for instance. But when we have a strong disagreement as organisers we often fall into that pattern of behaviour, the point of the discussion becomes to ‘win’ and as things turn nasty to humilate the other side. Which is probably going to be the worst outcome you could have if what you actually want to do is build an ongoing relationship.
When we have a disagreement with some as part of our political organising what are we trying to acheive? Thats probably a question that it worth asking yourself whenever things start to get a bit heated. In everyday life arguments are often really quite problematic and aimed at asserting dominance, punishment & even humilation. It’s easiest to recognise those element in the darker parts of the web, comments on youtube videos for instance. But when we have a strong disagreement as organisers we often fall into that pattern of behaviour, the point of the discussion becomes to ‘win’ and as things turn nasty to humilate the other side. Which is probably going to be the worst outcome you could have if what you actually want to do is build an ongoing relationship.
So here are things I think you should & shouldn’t do in an organising argument
- don’t make assumptions about what someone really means
- don’t attack the weakest point of the other argument
- do admit the weak points of yours
- do concentrate of the strongest points of the other argument
- don’t be afraid of emotion but recognise that being emotional does’t excuse you from having to respect the other persons opinion and actively listen to it
- don’t use insults
- don’t return insults and escalate the situation
- do actively listen
- do take issues around privilege and rank seriously but don’t let it silence you either way
- don’t declare a winner or a loser
- do recognise when things are going around in circles and bring things to an end but do say when you will return to the subject
- do think about it afterwards
- do be prepared to have your opinion changed
- do admit any way your opinion has been changed